Happy Mother's Day!

Before we had kids we used to eat out a lot.  We really enjoyed indulging in a good meal at a nice restaurant.  We'd go all out - beverages, appetizers, main course, dessert.  One restaurant we used to frequent was the Keg Steakhouse.  I'd always get the same thing:  baked goat cheese appetizer, sirloin steak with mashed potatoes, and a side of snap peas and asparagus tempura.  Yum!

A little while back I told Tyler I wanted a Keg dinner for Mother's Day.  It had been so long since I had one!  At first we thought maybe we'd pack up the kids and go looking for a Keg, there's sure to be one in Barrie.  But then Tyler suggested he would make me what I wanted.

So tonight he made me my dinner, the whole thing.  Complete with baked goat cheese and tempura veggies.  Oh it was so good.  Who needs to go out to dinner when your husband is an amazing chef?

He also bought me a bouquet of tulips.  Being the horticulturalist that I am, I never tire of getting flowers.  I'm pretty sure there's some dessert waiting for me too.

I just put T to bed.  We had the best time, lying in his bed cuddling and staring at the star projections on his ceiling, while singing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' over and over.  He still doesn't know the proper words, he just kinda mumbles along, but at least he gets the tune right.  It was priceless.  Those are the moments, the moments that make every single bad night, every single tantrum, every single frustrating NO! worth it. 

I love being a mom!  Happy Mother's Day!

Where Has The Time Gone?

Following the excitement of F's birthday, this week has been rather uneventful as we get back into the swing of normal life around here.  Back to our routine, back to our regular activities, back to my regular chores.  Lather rinse repeat.

It is funny, although F has been rather toddler-like for sometime now, he was still a baby.  A really funny looking walking baby, but a baby nonetheless.  Now this week I keep catching glances of my new little toddler.  It's odd how right at a year he seemed to switch over, just like that.  I swear he is taller than even just a few weeks ago, and watching him yesterday wander around in his diaper I noticed that pretty much all his chubby rolls have gone.  He is leaner, and definitely not baby looking anymore.  *sniff*

And so life with two toddlers begins.  I watch the boys playing in the backyard and my heart melts.  This is what I have been waiting for, what I have expected from having them so close in age.  Playing together, hanging out.  Like brothers, like best buddies.  T tears around and F tries desperately to keep up.  Sometimes they play together, sometimes they just wander around aimlessly, not paying much attention to each other yet always aware that the other is there.

We have our fair share of squabbles of course.  Over toys and food.  One day it will be over girls.  But nothing that can't be smoothed out.  They just adore each other.

Like at the dinner table when T is goofing off and F laughs like he is the funniest thing in the world.  Or like when I catch T holding F's hand, or trying to give him his soother (even if F doesn't want it right then!).  When he shares his snack with him or lets him play with a certain toy.  At bedtime when I take F upstairs and T says "Goodnight Finny, I wuv you!".  *double sniff, wipes tear away*

T himself, I swear hardly a toddler anymore.  He has blown through toddlerhood the way F has blown through babyhood.  Trying to put all his own clothes on, often getting his pants backwards or his shoes on the wrong feet, but trying and succeeding nonetheless.  He is so grown up!

I look at my pictures of them over and over, and just can't believe it.  I look at T and never believe he was F's age, and look at F and never believe he will be T's age very soon.  When I see a newborn baby I can't ever remember that my boys were ever that tiny.  But there were.

Where has the time gone?

But then there are times, like last night before I fell asleep and T called me in for a cuddle and asks me to turn his nighlights on.

And tonight, when I took F out of the bath and he ran off before I could dry him, flying across the bathroom and slipping on the floor, smacking his head.  Cue big tears and screaming.  I scooped him up, wrapped him in his towel, and sat there cuddling him while T finished his bath.  He sat there in my arms quietly long after the crying had stopped, in no hurry to get down.

It doesn't matter how old they are, they will always be my babies.  *sniff sniff*

Bellydancing

I will be starting bellydancing classes in a month!  Can I just say how excited I am?

For those of you who don't know, I LOVE bellydancing.  Now, I am not a natural dancer.  I didn't take jazz, or tap, or ballet as a child.  Scratch that, I did take jazz very briefly at some point before dropping out due to lack of confidence.  But bellydancing....LOVE LOVE LOVE!

A few years back, I want to say maybe 5 or 6, some girlfriends and I decided to try it for fun.  We started at Main Street Dance in Markham, just doing their summer program.  Well I was hooked immediately.  Before that summer was over I was already performing at a wedding.  ME, the shy girl with no rhythm!  It seems I found something to bring out my confidence.

We continued at MSD which is where I met my good friend and avid bellydancer, Amy Jackson.  I've done two recitals with MSD, and will always remember it as the place where I found my passion for dance.

Pics from Main Street Dance recitals.  (Featured dancers:  Amy Jackson, Karlene Taylor, Nicole Mostaard)

It wasn't long before I discovered Arabesque Academy, school of Middle Eastern Dance.  This place was the real deal.  The Arabesque Dance Company has some of the top bellydancers in the country.  I took classes there on and off over the years, completing up to the Intermediate 1 level.  I've done two gala performances with Arabesque.

Arabesque Student Gala, fall 2009.  Me (far left), 19wks pregnant and Amy (second from right), as well as two ladies from our class.  Intermediate 1 choreography, Tales of the Sahara, by Melissa Gamal.

Never in my life had I found a hobby I loved so much.  Bellydancing was a way for me to stay in shape, and hang out with my friends.  A way to learn about a new culture, and a new art form. 

When I was pregnant with F, Amy invited me to join the dance troupe she was a part of, called She Raks.  I was so honoured to be able to dance with such amazing ladies.  I was so sad to have to give it up once we moved.

Bellydance is probably the single hardest thing I've had to give up since moving.  Initially I looked around, hoping to find it at a dance studio here, but with no luck.  The closest I could find was Barrie, an hour away.  Not a possibility for the time being.  But then, last year, I found a small dance studio about halfway between here and Barrie that had bellydance, called the The Danceroom.  It is more fitness based bellydance rather than technique, but still!  I've finally gotten around to calling and now will be starting in June!

Throughout my amateur bellydance career, I've danced in 4 recitals, at 2 weddings, 2 Christmas parties, 1 birthday party,  2 cultural events, as well as several other community events, and countless haflas (intimate get togethers where bellydancers perform for each other and support each other), and have been featured on local television once and twice in the local newspaper.

I am SO excited to get back into it.  There is just something so amazingly feminine about bellydancing.  It is an ancient art form, created by women for women.  It is sensual but not sexual.  It is powerful and mysterious.  It makes you feel good about your body, no matter what it looks like.  I have seen so many women, young and old, big and small, empowered by this amazing style of dance.  There is so much culture and history to be learned, the music and costumes are amazing, the movements are intoxicating. 

Watch out bellydance, I'm coming back!  I'm thinking that maybe, once I get back into it, I can somehow form a bellydance club here in my town, or maybe even teach it.  I would love to share it with this community, and get the women of Collingwood shaking their hips!

Shimmy Shimmy!!

Cupcakes!

For my children's birthdays, and also at other times as well, I like to bake treats that are healthier and not loaded with tons of refined sugar and processed ingredients.  I have this fantastic book called Baking with Agave Nectar by Ania Catalano that I picked up a few years ago.  I have never been disappointed with any of the recipes I've tried.  Agave is a natural sweetener that is healthier to use in baking and cooking than refined sugar.  It's made from the agave plant (the same plant that gives us tequila, it's the plant that just keeps on giving!) and has a honey-like consistency. 

I like the recipes in this book because not only do they use agave instead of sugar, they also call for more wholesome ingredients including fruits and vegetables, and use different types of healthier flours instead of processed white flour.  There are lots of vegan and gluten free recipes too, if you're so inclined.

For T's first birthday I made this amazing dark chocolate cake (pg 47) that was made with zucchini, and I layered it with dark chocolate ganache (pg 108) and iced it with vanilla buttercream frosting (pg 106).  It was so yummy!

For F's birthday I opted to do cupcakes, and decided to make 3 different varieties from the book:  Fudgy chocolate cupcakes with vanilla buttercream, Hopsie's cupcakes (made with carrots and zucchini), and Spiced pumpkin apple cupcakes, both iced with cream cheese frosting.

They were all amazing.  Here are the recipes.

Fudgy Chocolate Cupcakes (pg 49) - gluten free and low fat

Makes 12 cupcakes

1/4 cup unsalted butter or nonhydrogenated butter substitute

1/2 cup water

1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

3/4 cup light agave nectar

1 1/4 cups quinoa flour (quinoa is high in protein and fiber)

1/2 tsp each baking powder, baking soda, and sea salt

2 large eggs, separated

1 tsp vanilla extract

1/4 cup nonfat plain yogurt or unsweetened soy yogurt

Preheat oven to 375.  Line cupcake pan with liners. 

Place butter and water in a saucepan.  Bring to a boil and remove from heat.  Whisk in the cocoa powder and agave nectar.  Let cool to room temperature.

In a large bowl, sift together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.  Add the cooled cocoa mixture, egg yolks, vanilla, and yogurt to the flour and mix well.  In a separate bowl, using an electric mixer at medium speed, beat the egg whites until stiff, but not dry, approximately 2mins.  Gently fold into the batter.

Spoon into prepared cupcake pan and bake for 15-20mins, until toothpick comes out clean.  Frost with buttercream frosting.

Vanilla Buttercream Frosting (pg 106) - gluten free

Makes 2 cups

1/2 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

6 tbsp light agave nectar

1 cup nonfat dry milk

1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

4 tbsp whole milk

pinch of sea salt

Cream the butter with an electric mixer until light in colour.  Slowly add the agave and beat until fluffy, about 1-2mins.  Gradually add the dry milk and beat again.  Add the vanilla extract and the milk, one tablespoon at a time, until completely blended.  Add the salt, turn the mixer to high speed, and beat about 2mins, or until very fluffy.  Store in the fridge for up to 3wks.

Hopsie's Cupcakes (pg 58)

Makes 12 cupcakes

2 cups packed finely grated zucchini (about 2 medium zucchini)

1 cup packed finely grated carrots (about 5 or 6 medium carrots)

1 tsp sea salt

1 1/2 cups sprouted spelt flour or whole wheat pastry flour

1 tsp each baking powder and baking soda

1 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground nutmeg

3/4 cup light agave nectar

2/3 cup canola oil (I used melted butter instead)

2 large eggs

1/2 cups walnuts, chopped plus extra for garnish (optional, I omitted these)

1/3 cup currants or raisins (optional, again I left them out)

Place zucchini and carrots in a strainer.  Sprinkle with the salt and mix well.  Let drain for 15-20mins, until most of the moisture is released.

Preheat the oven to 350.  Line cupcake pan.

In a large bowl, stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

In a separate bowl, using an electric mixer beat together the agave nectar the canola oil (butter).  Add the eggs and beat well.  Add the egg mixture to the flour mixture and beat until well combined.  Squeeze out any remaining moisture from the drained zucchini and carrots.  Using a wooden spoon or rubber spatula, fold in the zucchini, carrots, walnuts, and currents/raisins (if using), and spoon the batter into prepared pans.

Bake for 20-25mins, until a toothpick inserted into the centre comes out clean.  Cool and frost with cream cheese frosting.

Spiced Pumpkin Apple Cupcakes (pg 59)

Makes 12 cupcakes

3/4 cup canned organic pumpkin

2 large eggs

3/4 cup amber agave nectar

1/2 cup canola oil (I used melted butter)

1/2 tbsp vanilla extract

1/2 tsp fresh lemon juice

2 cups sprouted spelt flour, regular whole grain spelt flour, or whole wheat pastry flour

1/2 tsp each baking powder and baking soda

2 tsp ground cinnamon

1/4 tsp ground ginger

pinch of sea salt

2 apples (any variety), peeled and chopped into small pieces

Preheat oven to 350.  Line cupcake pan.

In a large bowl, whisk the pumpkin, eggs, agave, canola oil (butter), vanilla, and lemon juice until well blended.  In a separate bowl, combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, and salt.  Add the pumpkin mixture to the dry ingredients and mix until just blended.  Stir in the apples.  Spoon into prepared pan and bake for 25-30mins, until toothpick comes out clean.  Frost with cream cheese frosting when cool.

Cream Cheese Frosting (pg 110) - gluten free

Makes 2 cups

6 tbsp unsalted butter, at room temperature

12 oz cream cheese, low-fat Neufchatel cheese or a combination of both

3/4 cup light agave nectar

1/2 tbsp vanilla extract

juice of 1/2 lemon

Using an electric mixer, cream together the butter and cream cheese.  Add the agave, vanilla, and lemon juice.  Beat well until smooth and fluffy.

I also made these yummy treats as well.  They're a healthier take on rice crispy squares, and are great for an everyday snack too!

Crispy Brown Rice and Cashew Treats (pg 36)

*This is my own variation*

1 cup light agave nectar

6 tbsp cashew and almond nut butter

pinch of sea salt

1/2 tsp ground cinnamon

2 tbsp vanilla extract

8 cups (one 10oz box) unsweetened crispy brown rice cereal

1 cup cashews, toasted and chopped

1/4 cup each pumpkin, sunflower, and sesame seeds

*The original recipe omits the seeds and includes unsulfured apricots.  You could probably do any combination of dried fruit, nuts, and seeds that you like*

Lightly oil a 9x13 inch glass baking pan with canola oil or butter.

In a large bowl, combine the agave, nut butter, salt, cinnamon, and vanilla.  Mix until well blended.  Add the cereal, cashews, and seeds and mix well.  Firmly press the mixture into the prepared pan and cover with plastic wrap.  Refrigerate for 2 or more hours, or until firm.  Cut into squares to serve.

Enjoy!! 

The Big Day

Perfect.  The day was just perfect.

Good Morning Birthday Boy!

All week it had been raining, but on Saturday we woke to clear skies and birds singing.  The sun was shining and it was warm.  F slept well and woke up in a good mood.  The whole house was up and at it by 7:30.

Since we had spent the week preparing, we weren't in a mad rush to get things done.  The house was already spotless.  I had baked the cupcakes the day before and they just needed to be iced.  Tyler had spent the previous evening prepping all the food.  We didn't have our bbq set up yet so needed to think of something other than hot dogs and hamburgers to do.  We were thinking outside of the box and ended up deciding on homemade cabbage rolls, sausages, and roasted potatoes.  Everything was all prepped and ready to go into the oven at lunchtime.

The morning was relaxing, Tyler got up with the boys and got them breakfast while I showered and got ready, then he got to work cleaning up outside while the boys and I hung out.  My mom and brother came early to help out.

Both boys napped well and were well rested for the party.  Everything was going just according to plan!

All our guests arrived between 2-3 and we had a good turnout.  The weather was just perfect!  Easily the nicest day of the year so far.  We were able to set up chairs outside and have the party in the backyard, which was great for the kids.  There were 6 boys in total, including ours.  My cousin's sons Xavier (almost 6) and Ethan (4), and our neighbour's sons Marshall (3.5) and Bennett (15mos).  It was a good mix of ages, and worked out well because they could play with eachother, but it wasn't too crazy.  My almost 14 year old cousin Samantha was there as well and she had a great time with the boys, she is wonderful with kids.  They spent the whole time running around the backyard and playing in the sandbox.

Instead of loot bags (I hate giving out bags of sugary candy and cheap plastic toys), I picked up from Walmart these cool little bug catcher containers.  I thought they went well with my caterpillar theme, and that the kids would have fun with them in the backyard.  I was also hoping it would encourage T to want to look for bugs.  They were such a great idea!  The boys all loved them, and they raced around catching bugs (ewww!).  Even T was all into it!

The food was amazing, I really have to commend Tyler on the cabbage rolls.  They were a hit!  Everyone loved them.  The party moved along at a great pace, and after everyone had eaten we did presents, which of course was a lot of fun for the boys.  F got lots of lovely gifts.

Then onto the cupcakes.  My original plan was to do a cupcake caterpillar (a la The Very Hungry Caterpillar), but once they were frosted they didn't even resemble a caterpillar!  So I abandoned that idea and just served up the cupcakes.  I wasn't sure if people would like them, as they were 'healthy' cupcakes (made from my Baking with Agave book, recipes to follow in another post), but they were a hit as well!  I was so relieved that they turned out well, and that people liked them.  They were really yummy!

The whole party was a lot of fun, and very relaxed.  Everyone seemed to get along great, and we had a great mix of people.  I was happy that lots of family drove out to join us on such a big day.  It was also nice to have some new friends from the neighbourhood come by, as well as our neighbours. 

The party wrapped up in good time and my amazing husband had most of the mess cleaned up before the last guests even left!  By the time the boys were in bed, he had everything totally clean.  What a guy!  The boys didn't end up in bed too much later than usual, which was good.

Everything was just fantastic, I couldn't of asked for a better day.  The weather cooperated, and we had so many lovely guests join us to celebrate.  All the kids were well behaved, the food was good, it was all just....perfect. 

Unfortunately and much to my disappointment, I really didn't get a chance to capture too many pictures of the day.  I'm not a great photographer at the best of times, but we were just so busy watching kids and being hosts that we didn't have time to take pictures.  I'm a little sad, I would have liked to have documented the day a little better through photographs.  I should of at least taken some pictures of the awesome food and cupcakes!  But it's ok.  I'll have to remember for next time!

Here are some of what few pics we did take.

A big thank you to everyone who came out to celebrate with us.  It means so much to us to have family and friends visit for these big events.  We all had an amazing time and hope to do it all again soon!

The Birth

*Note:  This post was meant to be posted on Friday, April 29*

On this day last year I woke up feeling normal.  But sometime mid-morning, things started happening.  I still didn't know what to expect.  Other women had told me that when you're in real labour, you KNOW.  There is no wondering.  I guess I was just waiting to *know* that this was it.

I started noticing surges probably around 9am.  I was sitting at the kitchen table when I felt it.  Not at all uncomfortable, just weird.  They just kinda continued, at the time I wasn't even sure what it was but was sure something was going on. 

Probably at around lunchtime I emailed Tyler just to tell him that I thought I was having contractions.  How silly, I didn't even know for sure!  I emailed my doula as well to give her the head's up.  It was my suspicion that things were getting started, and that F was going to be born the following day sometime.

I remember asking Annabel, my midwife, when I should call her.  She had said to go by the 411 rule - surges 4mins apart, lasting 1min, for 1hr already.  After lunch I lay down on the couch to see if I could get an idea of what was going on.  They were still really mild, I mean I noticed them but I did have to stay still to really feel them.  They were about 5mins apart, but only about 30secs or so.  I put T down for a nap and took a little snooze myself.

When I woke up I didn't really feel anything.  So I figured it wasn't the real deal just yet.

The surges started up again probably at about 3pm, and stronger than before.  But they were only coming about every 10mins or longer this time.  At about 4pm I remember taking T to the park, and I would have to slow down when I felt one coming on. 

For the rest of the evening I went about business as usual, still not entirely sure if I was properly in labour, or if things were going to taper off and stop.  So I hadn't called the midwife.  At about 7pm though I thought I should call Tyler and tell him to come home, so I did.  I told him I thought that things were starting and baby would come the next day, so he better come home but there was no rush.  I also emailed my doula again to tell her the same thing.

After putting T to bed I got comfy sitting on my exercise ball and turned on the tv.  I got a clock out just to see what was going on.  Surges were still only about 10mins apart and for 30-45secs.  I didn't call the midwife yet because I was still waiting according to that stupid 411 rule she told me!

Funny enough, the movie Parenthood was on tv at about 8:30.  Of course I wanted to watch it because it's one of my favorite movies.  It's classic, and was appropriate for what I was going through that's for sure.  I spent the entire evening parked on my ball, watching the movie and chatting with my friend Samara on Facebook.  She was my osteopath so I messaged her to say what's up and she asked if I was in labour.  I said maybe!  I was watching the clock and they were still 10mins apart, 45secs all evening long.  They were most definitely stronger but still totally manageable.

Parenthood ended at 11:30 and Tyler still wasn't home yet.  I figured I would probably go to bed soon and try to get some rest as things would likely pick up in the morning.  While I was waiting for Tyler to get home, I decided to put on my hypnobirthing cds. 

Tyler finally arrived home at about 12:20am, and things had picked up.  I knew this was the real thing.  Surges were still only 10mins apart though, but stronger.  I asked Tyler to put the tens machine on my back and I lay on the couch to breathe through the contractions. 

I don't know what I was thinking.  I don't know why I hadn't called the midwife at that point, but suddenly not long after Tyler came home things were getting really intense.  At 1am he said he was calling the midwife.  Annabel was actually off so he called our backup, Marlene.  As soon as she got on the phone with me she asked "Why am I only getting a call NOW?"  I didn't know what to say!  I didn't think things were going that fast up until that point.  Originally we thought the midwife and doula would come to the house, but she said that unless I wanted to have the baby at home I needed to get to the hospital asap.

Tyler called my brother Mike and his (ex) girlfriend Kris to come over to stay with T.  We had told them to be ready just in case!  They got to our house in good time and we left for the hospital.  I just remember sitting in the passenger seat, trying to make it through each surge as they got stronger and stronger.  It was getting really hard to manage by that point.

It was around 2am when we arrived at St. Michael's Hospital in Toronto.  Tyler dropped me off at emergency and someone took me up to L&D in a wheelchair.  Marlene arrived shortly after and examined me, and we were shocked to hear I was already 9cm dilated!  Kelly, our doula, arrived shortly after.

Everything was such a blur.  I remember, not thinking "I wish I could have an epidural!" because I knew it was too late for that, but thinking "next time I'm getting an epidural!", ha ha!  I don't actually remember feeling like I had to push, but I did say I wanted to because I think I just wanted to get on with it.  In hindsight it probably would have been better to breathe through a few more contractions without pushing.  At that point though I was crawling out of my skin with every surge.

I pushed for a little over and hour but it felt like an eternity.  And with every push and contraction I do remember thinking I couldn't do it anymore, or wondering why he wasn't coming out.  It was hard, and scary.  I pushed with everything I had because I just wanted it to be over.  I was so tired.

Finally, at 3:33am on Friday, April 30, Finley John was born.  They put him on me and he was the cutest, chubbiest, little thing.  And he had a mop of black hair which was awesome, because T was almost completely bald at birth!  He was so sweet and cuddly, right from the start.  He weighed in at 8lbs 4oz.

The following hour and a bit was a nightmare.  In addition to having had an episiotomy, I had also tore very badly in several places.  Marlene used freezing for the repair but it didn't do a damn thing, and I felt everything.  I think it ended up being a more complicated tear than even she initially thought, but once she had gotten started it was really too late for any other kind of pain relief, so she kept on going.  That was the worst part ever.  I was so tired by that point, and just wanted to rest, but I had to lie there wimpering while she stitched me up.  That hour, I definitely don't care to recount.

Once all was done though I had my little F and everything was perfect.  He was perfect.  And he latched and breastfed like a pro right from the start.  We spent the remainder of the early morning hours snuggling and snoozing. 

I could have gone home as early at 7am, but I didn't feel quite ready.  Everytime I tried to get up I felt nauseous, so it took me some time to get my legs back.  Once I could finally shower I felt so much better.

It was unbelieveable though how fast everything happened.  I spent almost the entire day in labour without knowing it was real labour, and then when things picked up it happened in a flash.  If Tyler had gotten home any later I don't know what would have happened!  I didn't even have time to change my clothes and gave birth in the shirt I had been wearing all day (actually, funny enough I just looked down and am wearing that same shirt right now!).  All the time before I was worried about hospital protocol, and the OBs on call insisting I have my IV prep and whatnot, and here it happened so fast that none of that even happened.  I didn't even see a single doctor while I was there. 

The midwives and doula were fantastic, and so was Tyler.  I know I was a wreck but they talked me through the whole thing.  Marlene said that an hour of pushing for a first time delivery was actually pretty good!  She was apologetic for the episiotomy and the tear, but it's not like it was her fault.  Again though, in hindsight I probably could have saved myself that nasty tear had I asked to deliver in a different position, instead of on my back.  It was just such a blur, I didn't want to move from the bed.  Ah well, live and learn.  I'll know for next time (if there is a next time!).

Finally by lunchtime I was feeling well enough to go home.  We packed up our stuff and our new baby, and hit the road.  It was amazing to get to go home so soon, one of the perks of having a midwife instead of a doctor.

When we got home T was just eating lunch with Uncle Mike and Auntie Kris.  We introduced him to his new brother and he wasn't even phased.  As far as T was concerned it was just another day.  He had gone to bed, slept all night, woke up to his favorite aunt and uncle, and was just enjoying life as usual.  That's my Big Guy, so wonderfully adaptable!

F slipped right into our family perfectly, and by the time we got home it was like nothing had changed and we continued on with life.  Except everything had changed.  It was wonderful.

Our midwives were fantastic, and I was so happy with both the care during pregnancy and the delivery.  Both Annabel and Marlene were amazing.

My recovery after having F was rough.  In fact, if you ask me what was easier, my c-section or my VBAC, I will most definitely tell you my c-section was easier in every sense!  From delivery all the way through my recovery.  The tear and episiotomy took a long time to heal and I was very uncomfortable for weeks.  The stitches did not dissolve on their own and I had to have them removed, which was not fun at all. 

The weeks following F's birth were not easy.  Not just because of having a new baby, but a week after he was born was when we packed up and moved from Toronto to out here.  Talk about mega life changes!  So there I was, with a newborn and a toddler, trying to recover with almost no support or help, in a new town.  Add to it that F was a very fussy baby and we dealt with early food intolerances and reflux issues.  It made for a very hard transition.

But we got there in the end!

Even despite the less than great parts, I loved  F's birth.  I love reliving just about every aspect (minus the tear and repair!).  I'm still in awe that I managed to go through almost the entire labour on my own, and basically without even knowing it.  It really wasn't that bad until the very end! 

I got my VBAC, and I got my unmedicated, natural birth experience.  It was amazing, and F was so worth it.  I really, really would do it again in a heartbeat (and despite thinking it at the time, no I would not opt for the epidural next time!)

Oh, and remember how I said in my previous post that I visualized F's birth so much that I dreamt it?  Well, how I dreamt it is how it happened, right down to what he looked like!  If you want something bad enough, make it happen!

Mommy and F

Mommy and her two boys

Snugglebug - he is still a snuggler to this day

With Marlene, later at home the same day of the birth

Simply gorgeous

The Pregnancy

*Note:  This post was written and meant to be posted on Thursday, April 28*

On this day last year nothing interesting was going.  I was still waiting for things to start.

As I had mentioned my pregnancy with F was a surprise.  We definitely wanted another baby, just not quite so soon.  I found out I was pregnant 3 days before T's 1st birthday. 

I quickly set up an appointment with the Riverdale Midwives in Toronto.  My midwives when I had T were from a different group, but we had since moved and I had heard great things about Riverdale.  Initially I met with Annabel Cope who wasn't supposed to be my primary midwife, but I was fortunate that I did end up with her as well as Marlene Sagada as the backup.  They were both SO fantastic.  When I discussed with them that I was hoping for a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC), they were both fully supportive and optimistic.

Because I had no idea when I concieved, and my cycles were not normal since I was still breastfeeding, I had no idea how far along I was.  My original due date based on my cycles was April 26th, but I knew that might not have been accurate.  Our 12wk scan gave us a due date of April 29th (which is the one on file with my midwife), and a later scan gave us May 1st, which is the one I stuck with.

I have easy pregnancies.  My first was easy and I felt great, and this one was the same.  No morning sickness, no nausea, no heartburn, no digestive issues.  Of course I was exhausted during the early weeks, but I also had a toddler to chase around as well, so who wouldn't be tired!  I always maintained a healthy appetite while pregnant (which is probably why I tend to put on a healthy weight!) and of course craved things that generally weren't great for me.  This time around I had cravings for soda (which I don't normally drink), sweets, and salt and vinegar chips.  With F's pregnancy I gained 40lbs (still better than the 50lbs I gained with T!).  I'm a very petite lady so that's a lot of weight for my tiny frame.

As with my first pregnancy we opted for the early screening tests for possible genetic problems.  Initially at our 12wk scan, F's nuchal fold was measuring a little larger than how it should have been for how many weeks along I was.  We were advised to meet with a genetics counsellor, which we did.  But after reviewing the information decided not to go ahead with any further invasive testing as we didn't feel there was a high enough risk.  Of course at first I was a little worried, but the measurement was only higher by the smallest amount, and I was fairly confident that all was well.

I felt those first flutters around 12wks, which was the same as I felt with T too.  I know that is really early to be feeling movement, but that's when it started for me.  Of course it wasn't that strong, just like little butterflies here and there.  But it didn't take long before he was kicking me hard all the time!

At our 19wk scan we had already decided to find out the gender (we did the first time as well).  It didn't really matter to me what it was, although I think I was hoping for a girl but only because I felt like it was 'expected' for me to want one.  In my heart though I knew it would be great to have another boy.  I already had one so knew what I was getting myself into, and I felt it would be great for T to have a brother.  At the lab they wouldn't disclose the gender to us, but we asked if the technician would scan over the genital area so we could see if we saw anything ourselves.  Tyler and I were both fairly certain we saw that it was a boy!  Sure enough when my midwife called a few days later with the results, our suspicions were confirmed.

Christmas came and went, and I was really enjoying my pregnancy.  Sometime though between the second and third trimesters, I started feeling anxious about the baby's position.  T was breech (which was the reason for my planned cesarean), and as this baby grew I started to worry about him being breech as well.  Statistics say that only 4% of babies end up breech, which doesn't sound like very good odds but after you've had one breech baby you know how easy it is to be in that 4%!  I was so desperate to have a natural birth, and I was scared that another breech baby would put a stop to those plans.  I kept thinking that if there was a reason T didn't turn, then there was the possibility the same reason would prevent F from getting in the right position.  I remember having panic attacks, lying in bed at night and just silently freaking out.  As soon as he was big enough to feel I was always wondering, where is his head?

That's when I decided to hire a doula.  We couldn't really afford it, but I thought that especially being a VBAC situation, I could really use the added support.  Tyler of course was amazing support, but I don't think he fully understood how important it was to me to have a natural birth, he would have been fine with another planned c-section!

So we hired  Kelly Malsen as our doula.  She accomodated us so that we could afford her services, and was very helpful and knowledgeable.  She made herself available by phone and email, and put up with a lot of anxious emails from me over the months!  I got some wonderful resources from her about labour, delivery, postpartum, and breastfeeding.  She even recommended a great book for me to read called The VBAC Companion by Diana Korte.

For the rest of my pregnancy I focused on learning as much about VBACs as I could.  I attended regular chiropractic and osteopath appointments to prepare my body for childbirth.  I also visited with my naturopathic doctor to discuss diet and supplements for while I was pregnant.  These practitioners as well as Tyler, my doula, and my midwives became my support team in helping me get to my goal.  Planning my VBAC almost became an obsession, I was determind to make it happen.  Also, Tyler's mom had a VBAC 25yrs earlier, with only 18mos in between her deliveries.  Tyler was born by cesarean and his sister by VBAC.  So knowing that she went through it and during a time when VBACs were not considered common practice really gave me inspiration and hope that I could do it too.

I made sure to practice my hypnobirthing techniques every day.  Hypnobirthing  is something I had planned to use for my labour with T.  Tyler and I had taken classes when I was pregnant the first time, and I read the book and did the exercises then as well.  Even though I didn't get a chance to have a natural birth with T, I still consider his c-section to have been a hypnobirthing birth, as the breathing and relaxation techniques really helped keep me calm.

Visualization is something I also did throughout my pregnancy.  I'm a firm believer in the power of the mind to achieve your goals, and I knew that visualizing the birth I wanted and positive thinking would help me get there.  I used to drift off to sleep at night, visualizing how I wanted F's birth to unfold.  I thought about it so much that I dreamt it.  On 4 separate occasions I dreamt about his birth, and it was the same in each dream.  A calm labour and fast birth, and a healthy baby boy (I dreamt he was a boy even before I knew!)

I spent a lot of time during my pregnancy paying attention to my posture, and practicing exercises for optimal fetal positioning.  Because T was breech, I knew I wanted to do everything possible to make sure F would be in the right position.  I spent a lot of time on the Spinning Babies website, reading about exercises I could do and how my posture could affect the birth.  It's a wonderful website and a great resource for pregnant women. 

So I planned and I waited.  The days passed and we got closer and closer to our due date.  F was a busy baby, even in utero he was always moving and kicking.  He was a strong little guy and very active!  I loved lying in bed just waiting for him to get started with his gymnastics.  Those feelings are so precious.

T for the most part wasn't sure what was going on.  He saw my belly grow, and he would point to it when I asked him where the baby was, but I don't think he knew what that meant.  We did buy him a book called I'm a Big Brother, and I think that helped him make the connection between belly and baby.  I wasn't sure how he was going to react to having a baby in the house since there was only going to be 20mos between them, but T was so easy going that I knew he would take it in stride.

We had already decided 99% on F's name before he was born.  Originally I had my heart set on names like Julien or Gabriel, and even liked Quinten, but Tyler was not completely sold on those ones.  Later in my pregnancy F's name crossed my mind and when I ran it by Tyler, he actually liked it too.  So we were sure that is what we would choose, although we wanted to meet him before we made it official.  His middle name would be after Tyler's beloved stepdad.

Throughout my pregnancy I did try and stay active through bellydancing.  I danced all the way up to 30wks, even doing several performances.  Bellydancing is fantastic exercise but it's even more wonderful for when your pregnant because the movements help keep you in shape and encourage baby to move into the right position, and they help prepare your body for childbirth.

Here I am at about 26wks, with the bellydance troupe She Raks

Later in my pregnancy I was recommended to meet with an OB from the hospital where I would be delivering to discuss my VBAC.  I was really nervous, thinking that because my births would be less than the recommended 2yrs apart, that she would push me to have another c-section.  I went to the appointment armed with a file full of VBAC information supporting my decision, but much to my surprise the doctor was fully supportive and said I had a good chance of being successful.  The meeting was really just so that we could discuss hospital protocol and the risks of attempting a VBAC.

I knew what the risks were but I was confident and determined to have my natural birth.  It was very important to me.  Of couse if another c-section became necessary I would have done it, but my overall view of childbirth is that too often medical intervention leads to unecessary surgical births.  I knew my body knew how to birth a baby, and I was going to let it do what nature intended with as little intervention as possible.  Because of my VBAC situation, the doctors did want to use monitoring and have an IV prepped in case of emergency, things I would have preferred not to have, but you pick your battles and I wasn't about to argue with them on those points.  I was hoping to labour at home with my doula and midwives long enough to not have to spend too much time at the hospital.  That was the plan anyway!

With my first pregnancy we had maternity pics done, but unfortunately this time we couldn't afford it.  We did try to take a few shots of our own though.  Not professional quality, but still a nice way to capture my belly.

Starting in my third trimester and on advice of my naturopath, I started drinking red raspberry leaf tea every day to help prepare and tone my uterus.  Some advise not to start until you are full term, but I got the go ahead as it actually doesn't not induce labour, rather tones the uterus and prepares it.  As I approached full term, my osteopath gave me a homeopathic labour remedy that she had used when she had her son.  It was quite extensive, so my naturopath narrowed down a few key elements and I started taking them at about 37wks.  I also visited her for a few acupcunture treatments to prepare my body and hopefully induce labour.  Like I mentioned in my previous post, I didn't want to give the little guy any excuses to be late.  I literally did just about anything and everything I could to prepare for F's birth.

For the last leg of my pregnancy, Tyler had already moved up here to the Georgian Bay area, as he had started his new job.  He would be gone during the week and it was just me and T.  The plan was that when I went into labour I would call him and he'd make the 2hr drive home.  We were just hoping that F wouldn't arrive too quickly so that Tyler would have enough time to make it back!

On this day last year I was still waiting for something to happen.  I was having braxton hicks contractions, but had been having them for months already so that was nothing new.  I remember it was supposed to be a full moon and I was hoping he would come that night, but he wasn't quite ready yet.....

The last belly shot, taken on April 28, 2010