When I Grow Up

I was thinking a lot about this while writing my last post about enrolling T in Montessori, but it didn't seem fitting to put it in there at the time.  I sort of touched on my own education and where is has gotten me.  Not very far.  However, I'm also of the mindset that my life is not over yet, and that I still have lots of time to find the perfect career for me.

As I mentioned, in 2007 I graduated from the Environmental Landscape Management program at Seneca College.  It was a fantastic program and I loved every minute of my two years there.  The decision to take it was influenced by Tyler when he started his own landscaping business.  Eager to be involved, I figured we would both benefit if I went to school to gain some extra knowledge in the fields of landscaping and horticulture.

The program was just amazing, and wasn't limited to landscaping.  The course material covered landscape design and construction, but also horticulture, arboriculture, greenhouse operations, business management, park management, and also had environmental aspects to it as well like restoring ecosystems and eco-toursim.  Much of the class time was spent outdoors, in fact when the weather was nice we would often spend our entire time hiking in the woods or even learning about ecosystems in canoes on the lake.  The campus was stunning, situated on a lake with trails running through the forests.  Breathtaking.

I enjoyed the curriculum and was interested in every topic.  Upon graduation I only worked one season in the field before getting pregnant and starting my motherhood journey.  But what I learned has stuck with me, and I do hope to get back into the industry again.  I'm not entirely sure exactly what I want to do, but I'm sure that living out here there will be many opportunities for me to get involved once again.  I have always particularly enjoyed the horticultural aspect of the industry, so perhaps that is the area I will focus on when I'm ready to jump back in.

But that is not all I have my sights set on, oh no.  I have some other dreams that I would like to pursue.

I am thinking of working towards getting my doula certification.  I have loved being pregnant and giving birth to my children.  Even the labour and delivery aspects were amazing experiences for me.  When I was planning my labour with F (which was a VBAC following a planned cesarean I had with T), I really started researching a lot about pregnancy, labour, and delivery.  I planned his birth meticulously, probably the way I should have planned my first, but of course with your first you never know what to expect.  I learned so much and became so passionate about my experience.  I would talk pregnancy and birth to anyone who would listen.  Even after his birth, the thoughts never left my head.  That's when it dawned on me that I would love to be a doula.

A doula is a birth companion for women.  Someone to talk to, to inform, and provide support.  Having a positive birth experience was so important for me, and I would love to help other women achieve positive experiences as well.

I have also been thinking of expanding to include becoming a childbirth and lactation educator as well as a doula.  I just feel like I would have so much to offer.  Never before in my life has anything held as much wonder and excitement for me as these topics.  Surely that's a sign that I am meant to do this?

I have looked into what it would take to become a doula and it is definitely attainable.  I don't feel emotionally ready to tackle it just yet though, not to mention the costs which at the moment we cannot afford.  But it is never far in my mind.  I've tucked that dream away safely to be explored at a later time, well hopefully sooner rather than later.  I'm hoping to revisit the idea in a year's time, and maybe then I can register to start my training. 

So there you have it.  When I grow up I want to be a horticulturalist-slash-doula.  I want to grow flowers and help women bring children into this world.  Weird combination?  I don't think so!  (oh, and with my new found zumba obsession I was also thinking of becoming a certified zumba instructor, but one thing at a time.....) 

Thinking About Education

This morning Tyler and I went to the Montessori school in town here to observe the class and speak with the teacher about possible placement for T in September.  We are very fortunate to have wonderful parents who have expressed an interest in contributing to Montessori for our boys, otherwise it may not have been an option for us.

At first I wasn't going to make the call.  It is the only Montessori in town (and surrounding areas), and I had heard that space was limited and was certain that it was too late to get him enrolled.  But another mom in town here told me to definitely try as they are very accomodating.  Her older son attends the school and she has had wonderful things to say about it.  So last week I called.

The gentleman I talked to was very nice and sent me an information package to get started.  It outlined how Montessori came to be and what it was all about.  I actually didn't know much about the style of education, I thought it was just another way of teaching.  I was surprised to read it's history, and what it's principles are based on.  I even wished I had attended some Montessori schools as a child!  It made me really excited to explore this route for our children.

Today we went and observed a class of children between the ages of 2-6.  We were greeted warmly by the instructor, and were given chairs where we could sit and watch.  It was really fascinating.  The whole atmosphere was very calm and positive.  The children were so engrossed in their activities.  At one point one of the teachers came over to show us what one of the children had done.  He had used letters to assemble a simple sentence describing 'sunshine'.  There were a few small spelling errors, but it didn't matter.  The boy beamed at us as we looked at it, and I swear I almost cried.

In fact I found myself holding back the tears throughout the whole thing!  I can't believe that my first baby, my Big Guy, is going to be moving on to this next stage.  I can't believe that the time has already come.  I also can't believe that we are going to be able to give him this wonderful opportunity to establish a life long love of learning.

I have a lot of insecurities about my own intelligence.  I never really followed through with my education.  I am a college graduate, twice actually (though not a high school graduate), and while I was always a good student, I feel as though something was lacking in my education.  I can't put my finger on it.  I don't know if it started when I was really young, or happened when I was older.  It's like I did well in school because I was expected to, but not because I wanted to.  I moved through the ranks of grade school through to high school, doing what I was supposed to but not really caring or having any interest in anything that was taught. 

My first attempt at college was a joke.  It was a time waster, a one year certificate in cosmetic sales.  I was good at it, excelled and as usual was top of the class.  But upon graduation I thought, what the heck do I do with this?

Next I flunked out of university.  Only took me 3 months to do that.

My final attempt at college was to enroll in the Environmental Landscape Management course at Seneca.  Finally, something that interested me!  It was amazing, and I loved it.  Graduated with honours with my diploma in 2007.  But still, as much as I loved the course, I'm not sure where it has got me.

It's times like this I wish I had been given more guidance.  Maybe if I had been interested in something I would have gone straight to university right out of high school (or finished high school for that matter) and gone on to do something great.  It is only now, approaching 30, that I am starting to be more aware of my lack of a proper education, and wishing I had tried harder.  But I'm not sure where I went wrong.  Was it me, or was it that I was never given the motivation to love learning?  Surely the spark was there.  Why did I miss the boat?

I want things to be different for my children.  I want them to always approach education with a quest for knowledge.  Isn't that what all parents want?  I want so much more for them than I ever wanted for myself.

I left there feeling very positive about the experience and hopeful that T will indeed be attending Montessori in September.  I really feel it is something he will enjoy, and it will offer him challenges that he doesn't get at home with me.  He is so bright and his future is so promising, now is the time to build on that.

Today was just another reminder of how fast time is passing.