Lily

Lily has arrived!

Obviously I have so much to share in this post.  I have been thinking about it all week and putting it off all week because I know there's a lot to write but I think it goes without saying I've been a little bit busy as a new mom of 3.  Still, I don't want to let it get too far away from me before I share the big news that we are now a family of 5.

Lily Elizabeth is one week old already.  How did that happen?  I am already wishing she would stop growing up.  She's already chubbier than she was just a few days ago and I can see time going by so fast.  When I stop to really think about it, I still can't believe that she is actually here.

But she is!

I hadn't really thought that the baby would come early since I went all the way to 40 weeks with my last pregnancy, but then towards the end of last week I was starting to wonder if maybe we were going to meet the little one soon.  Life was going on as usual and I was keeping busy with the boys.  Can't say I felt any obvious signs that labour was imminent, but I was getting a niggle that maybe within a week we'd meet our new addition.  On Thursday I managed to get to the gym one last time.

My boys were both born on Fridays.  I had always thought that it would be cool if this baby were born on a Friday too, and then I would have 3 Friday babies (and 3 first birthday parties that would fall on Saturdays!).  Well, on Friday morning I woke like it was any other day.  Didn't think anything was amiss.  I would never have believed it if someone had said that was the day our baby girl would be born.  Good thing I had spent that whole week getting all the things we would need for our planned homebirth.  I think the only thing missing was a pack of newborn diapers.

The labour with Lily was, for the better part of the day, exactly the same as it had been with Finn.  I started feeling contractions around the same time in the morning, and I remember having the same feeling all day trying to figure out if they were going anywhere.  They were consistent for the entire day, mild and short, and coming anywhere between 5-10 minutes but not stopping.  This is where I got confused with both of my labours, because the time of the contractions never becomes consistent for me until the very end.  But then again that's why you can't judge a labour by a textbook, they are all different and it doesn't always go the way 'they' say it should. 

We did some usual stuff.  Took the boys to gymnastics in the morning, then had lunch, then they went down for a nap and I relaxed and tried to get a sense of what was going on.  Still nothing really seemed obvious.  After the boys were up from their nap I was noticing the contractions more and wanted to stay home, but I had planned to drive to Wasaga Beach to drop some maternity and baby stuff off at a consignment store so I decided to still go ahead with that.  Yes, I was selling pretty much all my maternity clothes before the baby had even been born.  I didn't ever want to wear them again.

The contractions were getting a bit more annoying especially when I was driving.  Since I was still confused as to whether or not to call the midwife, I actually stopped by the clinic on the way home as I was driving by it anyway, just to ask what they thought.  The last time I was waiting for a distinct pattern that didn't happen until the very end of labour, and almost called too late.  I was paranoid about doing the same thing, but at the same time didn't want to call if I wasn't actually in established labour.  Lynne-Marie said there was no harm in paging the midwife on call, Ilse, just to have a chat, so I decided that when I got home that is what I would do.

It was about 4:45 when we got home and I wandered around feeling a bit confused.  In hindsight this was silly as I was very obviously in labour, but just like last time because I wasn't actually in pain I felt like it wasn't really happening.  Silly really, it should have been obvious at that point that things weren't going to slow or stop.  The contractions were still coming and getting stronger, though not particularly long.  It was enough to make me feel a bit scatterbrained though.  The boys were in the yard and I finally paged Ilse and spoke to her at about 5:15.  I told her I wasn't sure what was going on, and she asked if I wanted her to come by.  I needed to figure out what to do with the boys so I said I would call her back after dinner.  I called Tyler and urged him to come home.  I couldn't focus enough to start dinner, and he told me to sit down and he'd pick something up.  When I'd have a contraction I'd want to sit, but as soon as it was over I was restless and needed to get up and do stuff.  I was pretty sure at that point that we'd be sending the kids over to Tyler's parents for the night, so I packed some stuff for them. 

It felt like it took Tyler forever to get home.  I really wanted him home, but I had to send him on a few errands to pick up the last few things we needed.  Then I realized we'd need a pack n play for Finn to stay in at John and Laurie's, so I quickly asked my friends if one of them had one for us to borrow and then sent Tyler over to Corrina's to get it.  By the time he picked up all the stuff and then dinner and got home, it was 6:30 and I really wanted the kids out of the house so I could focus.  Tyler rushed them through dinner, but I didn't feel like eating.  Just sat on the couch breathing through each contraction, which were getting more intense but I was still managing.  I paged Ilse again and spoke to her at about 6:45, and she said she'd be there in about 10 minutes.

Around the same time Tyler hurried the kids out the door and over to their grandparent's house around the corner.  I felt guilty sending them away so quickly without any explaination.  Even though we were planning a homebirth, we didn't really figure out what we were going to do with the kids.  I guess I figured if I had the baby during the day they'd be at their grandparent's but then come home, and if I had it during the night they would just sleep through it.  With the timing of it they had to go stay overnight, but I hadn't prepared them for it at all.  Tristan had only ever spent one night away from me and he was with Tyler anyway, and Finn had never been away from me.  It made me nervous, but I knew they'd all have to deal with it (kids and grandparents!).  But much to our surprise they had no problems staying there.

Ilse arrived at 7 and Tyler shortly after.  When she checked me she announced I was pretty much fully dilated and said the baby would be there in 20-30 minutes.  No time to set up the pool we had borrowed for a water birth.  No time to administer the antibiotics I was supposed to get because I was group B strep positive.  No time for the secondary midwife to get there.  The midwife and Tyler quickly set up the living room for the birth, and I got down on the floor to avoid lying on the couch to have the baby.  One contraction and my water broke, another and the baby was born.

To say we were excited to find out that we had a baby girl was an understatement.  Probably the best moment ever, especially because this time around we had been patient and waited the whole pregnancy to find out.  It was so very exciting.  The rest of the birth went so smoothly, and I was up on the couch cuddling her long before the second midwife even walked through the door.

Ahhh the beauty of a homebirth.  Tyler and I just sat on the couch for a good hour and a half with our new baby while the midwives cleaned up and did the paperwork.  It was so quiet and peaceful.  No nurses, no bright lights, no being asked when we were ready to go home.  We were already home, it was brilliant.  I was able to breastfeed easily right away, and Lily was so quiet and content right from the get go.  She didn't even cry when she was born.  Pretty much the perfect birth and the perfect baby.

She weighed 7 lbs 5 oz and was 20 inches long.  She was, according to the midwife's files, 2.5 weeks early (but according to me, 2 weeks early).  But Lynne-Marie said that we may have been farther along than I thought since Lily was a good size and had the appearance of a fully-term baby.  I guess when I had those ultrasounds and they pushed my due date a week earlier, they may have been right!

Ilse and Lynne-Marie were amazing midwives and once again I am so happy I used midwives instead of doctors.  The care throughout my entire pregnancy and birth was just amazing, and it continues to be with them coming to see us at home.

So that was the labour and birth, something I hadn't planned on getting much into but then if you know me then you know once I get started talking about labour and birth I can't stop.  What can I say, it doesn't get any better than that!

And what about this past week?  Pretty much heaven.  Lily has been an absolute dream and I think all of us, including the kids, are just so thrilled to have her.

I couldn't wait for the boys to get home on Saturday to meet her.  When they finally did it was so amazing.  Tristan seemed a bit nervous at first, but only for a minute.  He just lingered back and stared at her.  I was worried Finn would be put off but I was pleasantly suprised when he walked right up to us with the world's biggest grin on his face.  Then as soon as Tristan saw Finn get close he came up too, and next thing I knew they were crawling all over me trying to get close to the baby.  They have been that way ever since, always wanting to hug and hold and kiss her.  Tristan has told me so many times how happy he is that Lily is here.  He looks for her first thing in the morning, and asks to hold her all the time.  Finn always asks where she is too, and he loves holding her as well.

Of course there has been some acting out from both of them throughout the week, not towards Lily in any way but more to get attention.  Tristan especially seems to be a bit of a handful, but to be honest we were expecting some behaviour changes so we are handling it fine, as frustrating as it is.  We know that it's only natural that the boys might act this way with the addition of a new baby to the family.  So we've been trying to make as much time for them as we can and make sure they are still getting to do some of their activities, so they don't feel their lives are on hold because of the baby.  We've taken to them to the early years centre and on walks.  Tyler has taken them to the farm with him.  Today Tyler took Finn out for lunch, just the two of them, and then in the afternoon took Tristan to his first ever movie at the theatre.  I have to make sure I spend time with each of them too.  The nice thing is that Tyler has been able to help out with Lily a lot, so I can still do some of the things for the boys that I did before, like read them stories and put them down for naps and bedtime.  I don't want them to feel like I only spend time with the baby.

As for Lily, she has been an absolute angel.  Hardly a peep out of her.  She eats and she sleeps.  When she is awake, she just looks around.  If she cries it's easy to figure out what she wants.  Her cues are very easy to read.  She is breastfeeding fabulously and is growing and is healthy.  Even nights have been fine with her.  She sleeps in my bed and I feed her when she's hungry, but essentially she sleeps all night long.  No long periods of wakefulness or fussing.  I feel like I'm getting more than enough sleep and haven't been tired at all.  Every day this week everyone in the house has slept in past 7:30 which is just amazing.

It's so exciting to have some pink in the house.  My friend Hillary gave me a huge bag of girl's clothes from her daughter and I'm pretty sure Lily has a full wardrobe for at least a year.  Of course that hasn't stopped me from wanting more!  What is it about little girls that you just want to go out and buy all the cutest stuff for them?  I can't wait to get her some clips and headbands for her gorgeous hair.

She is the most beautiful baby ever, so perfect.  She's got lots of hair, but not too much, and it's a really cool colour.  For the most part it is dark, but has blonde streaks in it too.  I already know she is always going to be a gorgeous girl.

And me, I feel like a million bucks.  I don't know how Lily got here because I don't feel like I gave birth to her.  The birth was so effortless and so easy that it caused no trauma to my body whatsoever, which is a huge difference from my last birth where I endured tearing and repairs that left me uncomfortable for weeks afterwards.  I have been out walking, and have basically been able to keep up with everything around the house.  I haven't slowed down one bit.  In fact I have found myself wondering if I could go to the gym soon, but my reasonable side keeps telling me to give myself a few weeks, if for nothing else just to relax.

I am curious to know though what the scales say, because I'm pretty sure I could fit into all my larger pre-pregnancy clothes (ok, maybe not the super skinny jeans yet, but soon enough!).  Good thing I don't need all those mat clothes I just sold!  I'm already back into normal pants.  I guess staying active during pregnancy really does pay off!

Tyler has been the most amazing husband ever.  This is the first baby where he has taken a proper amount of time off work, and he has been so helpful with everything.  We've made a really good team.  But amazingly I've felt ok most of the time handling 3 kids that he's been able to putter around and go to the farm a bit, and do other little errands.  Don't get me wrong, things are SO much easier with him around, but Lily is SO easy that I have feel able to take care of the boys' needs as well.  That is such a good feeling.

So my house is not a disaster, my laundry is not piling up, my kids are clothed and fed, we're all well rested, I've managed to shower just about every day, and Lily is only a week old.  What kind of weird universe is this?

I don't kid myself that it will always be this easy.  Newborns are pretty sleepy, and even Finn my fussy baby didn't get fussy until closer to a month old so know this could all change on me overnight.  But for now, I am enjoying it, before the inevitable chaos hits.

With my first baby I had no clue and was just very go with the flow, and then when things got tough around 4 months I looked to books to help me figure it all out.  Then I got really into certain styles and routines, which worked so well for us then.  So of course with my second baby I thought I had it all figured out to do it right from the start, I would get him right into a routine and he would sleep better than Tristan did.  But Finn had other plans and all I really did was stress myself out trying to do things against how he really was.  I was so worried about his routine and not creating bad habits.  This time is so much better, and I'm just enjoying it for now and going with the flow, with the knowledge that when the time comes I will have the tools to get us onto a good routine and get her sleeping well.  Chances are if she is anything like her brothers sleep will not be great for the first year, but I know from experience that we get there in the end.

You know, I still can't believe we have a girl.  I can't believe we have two boys and a girl.  When I was pregnant with Finn and was going to find out what he was, I remember thinking that it would be amazing if we had a second boy so that Tristan could have a brother, and then later on have a little girl.  Of course at that time I couldn't have made it happen like that.  So to know that we did try for another baby and got our girl makes me feel so lucky.  To me it's the perfect family, two big brothers to take care of their little sister.  Yes, of course I would have absolutely loved another boy, babies are a blessing no matter what.  But the fact that we did have a girl is just very exciting.

So I had a million and one things that I have wanted to write about from this past week since Lily has been born, and although it feels like I have written about a million and one things I'm fairly certain there is a million and one more things I have missed.  At any given point during the day I want to record something that I have thought, or felt, or something that has happened.  I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of things, but hopefully at some point will remember to write them down somewhere.

This was my last pregnancy, we are fairly certain of that now.  I had such a fabulous experience with this pregnancy and birth, but in so many ways I am ready to move on.  Plus, while you always forget how horrible contractions are after the baby is born, the truth is they are horrible and I would be happy to never feel one again.  I will always love being pregnant, and I will always sort of wish I could do it 'one more time'.  This pregnancy was the most amazing one even though they all were great.  And it ended with an amazing birth and an amazing baby.  What more can someone ask for.

I consider all my births positive experiences.  I also consider myself very unique in that I have experienced 3 very different types of births.  Tristan's was a planned c-section because he was breech, and it went as amazing as a c-section could go with no complications.  My recovery was great and I felt great.  With Finn I had an unmedicated hospital VBAC, and although the recovery was rough the labour itself was smooth and I was so happy I was able to accomplish my goal of having a VBAC.  And finally with Lily, to end it all off with the most positive birth experience of all, my wonderful home birth.  I'm very proud to say I trusted birth and my body and had an HBAC, and I'm so happy that my husband although skeptical of the homebirth at first, trusted my instincts as well.

Well, without further ado, I better add some pics.  I so wish I had a better camera and was a better photographer, but as long as I'm remembering to take them that's all that matters.

Just arrived

Daddy's girl

Gorgeous

Proud biggest brother

Proud big brother

Mommy snuggles

Mommy of 3!

Peek a boo!

Sleeping beauty

Life on the Bay These Days

You know, when I first started this blog I used to write a lot about random things that happened here, which was the point of starting it in the first place.  I still kind of do that, but I realized that there are often a lot of things going on that I would have written about before, but don't bother to anymore.  Which is kind of sad, afterall this is supposed to be about our life here.  Guess I've just gotten lazy.  I've also diverted a lot of that stuff to my other two more specific blogs.  Stuff about the boys gets put on my Dear Children, Love Mommy blog because I just found it easier to record everything about them in one spot, and also to write directly to them.  Stuff about this latest pregnancy gets put on my Doula Ambition blog.  I started that one as a place to keep all my pregnancy and childbirth thoughts, since I am very much into that kind of stuff, but since getting pregnant have also been journalling about my pregnancy there since it seemed appropriate.  So now I often feel like this blog is missing out on a lot of stuff that gets put elsewhere. 

Time for a little update on how Life on the Bay has been treating us.

It's still pretty awesome.

Life

Is good.  We have had a mild winter which has allowed us to stay active and not feel too cooped up in the house.  Tristan goes to school in the mornings and is doing very well there.  Finley enjoys his time with me in the mornings and we busy ourselves with trips to the YMCA or the Early Years Centre.  Rarely are we at home in the mornings and that's how we like it.  The afternoons are sometimes filled with classes for Tristan like skiing (which are now over) and junior chefs, but often we like to just stay in since the mornings are so busy.  I do look forward to the spring and summer though when we can just go play in the backyard or go for walks without having to worry about snowsuits, hats, mitts, and boots.  The boys are good, Tyler is good, I am good, the pregnancy is good.  I feel great and really can't complain about much.

Friends are the best

I'm still hanging out with the same wonderful group of ladies I met over the summer, and we've formed some great friendships.  Some of them have returned to work, and we don't see each other during the week for playdates as often since winter arrived but we make a point of getting together as much as we can otherwise.  We have been meeting for coffee every few weeks, and also planning girls' nights once a month or so as well.  Last time we went glow in the dark bowling which was fun.  This weekend we're having dinner and going dancing afterwards to celebrate one lady's birthday.  Well, not sure how keen I will be to go bar hopping at almost 5mos pregnant, but we'll see.  We also still plan playdates on the weekends, often meeting up for gymnastics, skating, or tobogganing with the kids.  In addition to the great close friends I've made, I'm also making new friends all the time.  When I first moved here and started looking for friends, I was always looking for people to connect with and hoping that it would turn into the kind of friendships where we hung out a lot.  I have been lucky to find that with my group of friends, but am also learning that I can be friends with a lot of different people, and those friendships can all mean different things.  Some women are other moms that I see at the same places every week, and we get a chance to talk there but don't necessarily plan anything outside of that.  Other people I've just become familiar with from running into around town.  It's been a really great feeling to know that I've met and connected with so many different people on so many different levels.

Fitness

This has been a big topic for me over the past year as I have strived to become more active, and I am still keeping up with it and going strong.  I always feel there is room for improvement in this department but then I also have to think about time constraints and that my family comes first, and also the physical restraints of pregnancy.  But there are times where I think I just want to spend hours in the gym working out and getting in shape.  Maybe one day.  I do manage to go to the gym about 5 times a week.  These days all I want to do is hoop and have been doing that as much as possible, but I have been doing spinning once a week still as well as some prenatal fitness and working out on the machines in the gym.  A friend of mine just sent me several great prenatal workout dvds in the mail as well so I am going to start incorporating those into my day as well at home while the boys are napping.  I think my hard work is paying off as I have been feeling great and I think I look fairly fit even for 20wks pregnant.  I do hope that I can stay in better shape for this pregnancy than I did for my last two, and also that I can snap back into shape quickly afterwards.

Down on the Farm

Progress on the hops farm has been great.  The mild winter has really been a blessing in that department because it allowed Tyler and John to get a lot of work done.  When I look back over the past few months I cannot believe how much they have accomplished together.  They have installed all the poles for the front 6 acres to be planted, built a barn, made a road, and built a bridge from the ground up.  Not just any bridge either, a proper bridge that will have to carry vehicles over the river.  A lot of time, planning, and money went into the design and construction of the bridge, and now it is almost complete.  It has been very exciting for Tyler to design and build it, and see it come to life.  I know he is very proud, and he should be.  I have gone through the seed catalogues and placed the order for all of our vegetable seeds, which should be arriving this week.  In the next few weeks our hoop houses will be built, and then we can begin starting our seedlings inside to get a head start on the growing season.  There is no way to describe how amazing everything is going on the farm, and we are excited to see what the next few months have in store as well.

Other Events

What other things have we been up to this year so far?  In January I participated in the Romp to Stomp out breast cancer 5km snowshoe walk with one of my new friends.  The weather was perfect and we had a wonderful day walking and raising money for breast cancer research.  That same weekend Tyler took Tristan on his very first overnight ice fishing adventure.  He had a great time, but it was still too much for him and by the end of it he was very tired and got a little sick.  Still, he loves to talk about the trip and how much fun he had.  In February Tyler's sister Rachael got married to her fiancee Scott.  The whole wedding was just lovely and we were happy to be a part of it.

That pretty much sums up how our winter has been, and it's only been less than 2 months!  Needless to say life is busy, but it's a good busy.  We are always optimistic, always looking forward.  It feels good to be happy and to have a good attitude about life.  Onwards and upwards from here! 

Pregnant Hula Hooping

Inspiration.....

I don't look like this.  I wish I did, but not even close.  First of all, I'm not that cute when I'm pregnant.  I'm short and round and funny-shaped.  And second, I'm not even a fraction as good a hooper as this woman. 

But actually, I'm doing pretty good so far!  I've only been hooping for a month or so and am surprising even myself at the ease with which I am picking it up.  Ok, I don't have much finesse yet, but I can do a few tricks that are pretty cool.  In addition to basic hip and waist hooping, I am just getting the hang of chest hooping and leg hooping.  I can bring the hoop up from my waist over my head and back down again in several different fashions.  And I can 'walk' the hoop up my arms and shoulders and onto my neck, then back down again.  Not too bad for an amateur!  It's not usually pretty to watch as I'm sure I often look like a flailing chicken or a crazy penguin, but I can work on being pretty later.  For now I just need to learn the moves.  There are other little things I work on too like arm hooping and isolations. 

But it's SO much fun and SO addictive, and I'm SO glad I am able to do this while pregnant and seeing videos like the one above give me hope that this is something I can do right throughout this whole pregnancy.

So here are some pictures taken at last week's workshop.  I'm 19wks pregnant.

I've been getting to the Y to practice almost every day, because I really want to get good at this hooping stuff!

Coming July 2012.....

Here it is, the big announcement post.

You see where I'm going with this right?

Yes, it's true.  We're having another baby!  And no, it's not because we wanted a girl.  I'm already sick of the girl comments.  When we decided to add another child to our family, what we really wanted was a healthy baby.  Just thought I'd get that out of the way first off!

So we will soon be parents to 3 instead of 2.  Are we crazy?  Perhaps!  Sometimes I wonder how I can handle 3 when the 2 I have are handful enough.  I don't look forward to the early months, the sleep deprivation (I am not going to pretend I think this new baby will sleep through the night much before a year!), the constant feedings, the potential for another refluxy, colicky baby, or any of the other less glamorous things that come with having a tiny baby. 

I see how much easier things have gotten with my boys after they passed the baby stage and I think, we must be crazy to go through all that again.

But it's just temporary, and we know this.  Whenever I would think about adding a new child to this family, thoughts of the baby and toddler days aren't all that would enter my mind.  I would think of 3 children, growing up together, having each other to play with, and looking out for each other.  I would think of the future, of all the love and joy each child brings to our family.  I would think of when they are adults, and have families of their own, and the big wonderful clan we are growing here.  It's not just about wanting to be pregnant, or wanting another little baby, or anything like that.  It's about wanting a family.

Tyler and I both come from families with two children.  No complaints from either of us there.  But whenever I would see my friends or cousins who had many siblings, there was something there that I just never had growing up.  There is a closeness between all of them, very special bonds.  My brother and I are very close and always have been, so I can only imagine how much more amazing it could be if there were even more of us in the mix.  Sometimes in life, your siblings are the people closest to you, who know you the best.

I am so excited to be starting on this new venture.  Am I scared of the lack of sleep that is inevitably going to be upon us?  Am I wondering about how I am going to wrangle 3 toddlers by myself when we are out and about at the park and playdates?  Am I slightly scared of all the whining, the fighting, the difficult times?  Of course I am!  But it is an adventure we are fully willing to take on, because having our children has been the best thing we have ever done, and I can't see how adding one more would be any less great.

The estimated due date for this bubs is still up for debate.  It should be around July 9th, but at the ultrasound I had today the tech put my EDD at July 2nd.  As much as I'd love to be a week ahead of what I thought, I think I will stick with the first date for now since it makes the most sense for me.  Not that due dates are set in stone, still it is nice to have a general idea of where I am at.

This pregnancy has been great so far, much like my other ones.  I am a very lucky pregnant lady, free of morning sickness, nausea, heartburn, digestive issues, or any of the other yucky aspects of being pregnant.  I haven't even been that tired through the first trimester and have managed to keep up with life as usual, whether that has meant chasing the kids around or hitting the gym.  I have felt great, and feel very fortunate that I can say that because I know so many ladies aren't so lucky with their pregnancies and don't get a chance to enjoy it the way I do.

The cat is out of the bag and the official announcements have been made.  We are the types of people who tend to stay hush hush for the first 12wks while we process everything and make sure it's on track.  I did tell my friends almost a month ago now as we had a girl's holiday night and they would have known anyway when I wasn't drinking.  For our families we saved the big announcement for Christmas as we thought that would be a fun time to share the news.

To announce it to our family I made the boys shirts that hinted about the new baby.  T's said 'Leader of the Pack', and F's said 'Monkey in the Middle'.  I thought they were clever and obvious enough, but not for everyone I guess as some people still needed to be told the news despite the shirts!  Everyone seems excited though which is great as I had been worried we'd get a whole lot of 'Really, a third?' sort of responses.  Here is a pic of the shirts (I wish I had one of the boys wearing them, but trying to get both to stay still together long enough for a picture is a near impossible task).

The boys don't know what is going on yet.  I haven't really felt the need to explain anything to T as it is still so early and July is so far away.  Kids don't have any conception of weeks or months so I'm worried that if I get him excited about the baby too soon, he'll start getting impatient.  F is still too young to understand I think, though we will start to explain more to him as time goes on and he gets older.

It's hard to believe though that when T was F's current age of 20mos, we were just about to have another baby.  It was tricky having them that close.  This time the age gap between F and the baby will be 26mos.  I'm still not sure though if that will be much easier!  Still, we are up for the challenge.

This baby is going to be a surprise.  We found out with both the boys what we were having as I was just too impatient and needed to know.  This time I don't feel I need to know, and since it is likely our last we have decided to go for the whole experience.  It doesn't matter to me what we have, though I know Tyler is kind of hoping for a girl!  In my mind, there is no point wishing for a boy or a girl.  It already is what it is, and we will love it all the same.

Needless to say this is very exciting news for us, and we are very happy about adding another to our clan.  We look forward to this next year, and all it has to bring.

The Pregnancy

*Note:  This post was written and meant to be posted on Thursday, April 28*

On this day last year nothing interesting was going.  I was still waiting for things to start.

As I had mentioned my pregnancy with F was a surprise.  We definitely wanted another baby, just not quite so soon.  I found out I was pregnant 3 days before T's 1st birthday. 

I quickly set up an appointment with the Riverdale Midwives in Toronto.  My midwives when I had T were from a different group, but we had since moved and I had heard great things about Riverdale.  Initially I met with Annabel Cope who wasn't supposed to be my primary midwife, but I was fortunate that I did end up with her as well as Marlene Sagada as the backup.  They were both SO fantastic.  When I discussed with them that I was hoping for a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC), they were both fully supportive and optimistic.

Because I had no idea when I concieved, and my cycles were not normal since I was still breastfeeding, I had no idea how far along I was.  My original due date based on my cycles was April 26th, but I knew that might not have been accurate.  Our 12wk scan gave us a due date of April 29th (which is the one on file with my midwife), and a later scan gave us May 1st, which is the one I stuck with.

I have easy pregnancies.  My first was easy and I felt great, and this one was the same.  No morning sickness, no nausea, no heartburn, no digestive issues.  Of course I was exhausted during the early weeks, but I also had a toddler to chase around as well, so who wouldn't be tired!  I always maintained a healthy appetite while pregnant (which is probably why I tend to put on a healthy weight!) and of course craved things that generally weren't great for me.  This time around I had cravings for soda (which I don't normally drink), sweets, and salt and vinegar chips.  With F's pregnancy I gained 40lbs (still better than the 50lbs I gained with T!).  I'm a very petite lady so that's a lot of weight for my tiny frame.

As with my first pregnancy we opted for the early screening tests for possible genetic problems.  Initially at our 12wk scan, F's nuchal fold was measuring a little larger than how it should have been for how many weeks along I was.  We were advised to meet with a genetics counsellor, which we did.  But after reviewing the information decided not to go ahead with any further invasive testing as we didn't feel there was a high enough risk.  Of course at first I was a little worried, but the measurement was only higher by the smallest amount, and I was fairly confident that all was well.

I felt those first flutters around 12wks, which was the same as I felt with T too.  I know that is really early to be feeling movement, but that's when it started for me.  Of course it wasn't that strong, just like little butterflies here and there.  But it didn't take long before he was kicking me hard all the time!

At our 19wk scan we had already decided to find out the gender (we did the first time as well).  It didn't really matter to me what it was, although I think I was hoping for a girl but only because I felt like it was 'expected' for me to want one.  In my heart though I knew it would be great to have another boy.  I already had one so knew what I was getting myself into, and I felt it would be great for T to have a brother.  At the lab they wouldn't disclose the gender to us, but we asked if the technician would scan over the genital area so we could see if we saw anything ourselves.  Tyler and I were both fairly certain we saw that it was a boy!  Sure enough when my midwife called a few days later with the results, our suspicions were confirmed.

Christmas came and went, and I was really enjoying my pregnancy.  Sometime though between the second and third trimesters, I started feeling anxious about the baby's position.  T was breech (which was the reason for my planned cesarean), and as this baby grew I started to worry about him being breech as well.  Statistics say that only 4% of babies end up breech, which doesn't sound like very good odds but after you've had one breech baby you know how easy it is to be in that 4%!  I was so desperate to have a natural birth, and I was scared that another breech baby would put a stop to those plans.  I kept thinking that if there was a reason T didn't turn, then there was the possibility the same reason would prevent F from getting in the right position.  I remember having panic attacks, lying in bed at night and just silently freaking out.  As soon as he was big enough to feel I was always wondering, where is his head?

That's when I decided to hire a doula.  We couldn't really afford it, but I thought that especially being a VBAC situation, I could really use the added support.  Tyler of course was amazing support, but I don't think he fully understood how important it was to me to have a natural birth, he would have been fine with another planned c-section!

So we hired  Kelly Malsen as our doula.  She accomodated us so that we could afford her services, and was very helpful and knowledgeable.  She made herself available by phone and email, and put up with a lot of anxious emails from me over the months!  I got some wonderful resources from her about labour, delivery, postpartum, and breastfeeding.  She even recommended a great book for me to read called The VBAC Companion by Diana Korte.

For the rest of my pregnancy I focused on learning as much about VBACs as I could.  I attended regular chiropractic and osteopath appointments to prepare my body for childbirth.  I also visited with my naturopathic doctor to discuss diet and supplements for while I was pregnant.  These practitioners as well as Tyler, my doula, and my midwives became my support team in helping me get to my goal.  Planning my VBAC almost became an obsession, I was determind to make it happen.  Also, Tyler's mom had a VBAC 25yrs earlier, with only 18mos in between her deliveries.  Tyler was born by cesarean and his sister by VBAC.  So knowing that she went through it and during a time when VBACs were not considered common practice really gave me inspiration and hope that I could do it too.

I made sure to practice my hypnobirthing techniques every day.  Hypnobirthing  is something I had planned to use for my labour with T.  Tyler and I had taken classes when I was pregnant the first time, and I read the book and did the exercises then as well.  Even though I didn't get a chance to have a natural birth with T, I still consider his c-section to have been a hypnobirthing birth, as the breathing and relaxation techniques really helped keep me calm.

Visualization is something I also did throughout my pregnancy.  I'm a firm believer in the power of the mind to achieve your goals, and I knew that visualizing the birth I wanted and positive thinking would help me get there.  I used to drift off to sleep at night, visualizing how I wanted F's birth to unfold.  I thought about it so much that I dreamt it.  On 4 separate occasions I dreamt about his birth, and it was the same in each dream.  A calm labour and fast birth, and a healthy baby boy (I dreamt he was a boy even before I knew!)

I spent a lot of time during my pregnancy paying attention to my posture, and practicing exercises for optimal fetal positioning.  Because T was breech, I knew I wanted to do everything possible to make sure F would be in the right position.  I spent a lot of time on the Spinning Babies website, reading about exercises I could do and how my posture could affect the birth.  It's a wonderful website and a great resource for pregnant women. 

So I planned and I waited.  The days passed and we got closer and closer to our due date.  F was a busy baby, even in utero he was always moving and kicking.  He was a strong little guy and very active!  I loved lying in bed just waiting for him to get started with his gymnastics.  Those feelings are so precious.

T for the most part wasn't sure what was going on.  He saw my belly grow, and he would point to it when I asked him where the baby was, but I don't think he knew what that meant.  We did buy him a book called I'm a Big Brother, and I think that helped him make the connection between belly and baby.  I wasn't sure how he was going to react to having a baby in the house since there was only going to be 20mos between them, but T was so easy going that I knew he would take it in stride.

We had already decided 99% on F's name before he was born.  Originally I had my heart set on names like Julien or Gabriel, and even liked Quinten, but Tyler was not completely sold on those ones.  Later in my pregnancy F's name crossed my mind and when I ran it by Tyler, he actually liked it too.  So we were sure that is what we would choose, although we wanted to meet him before we made it official.  His middle name would be after Tyler's beloved stepdad.

Throughout my pregnancy I did try and stay active through bellydancing.  I danced all the way up to 30wks, even doing several performances.  Bellydancing is fantastic exercise but it's even more wonderful for when your pregnant because the movements help keep you in shape and encourage baby to move into the right position, and they help prepare your body for childbirth.

Here I am at about 26wks, with the bellydance troupe She Raks

Later in my pregnancy I was recommended to meet with an OB from the hospital where I would be delivering to discuss my VBAC.  I was really nervous, thinking that because my births would be less than the recommended 2yrs apart, that she would push me to have another c-section.  I went to the appointment armed with a file full of VBAC information supporting my decision, but much to my surprise the doctor was fully supportive and said I had a good chance of being successful.  The meeting was really just so that we could discuss hospital protocol and the risks of attempting a VBAC.

I knew what the risks were but I was confident and determined to have my natural birth.  It was very important to me.  Of couse if another c-section became necessary I would have done it, but my overall view of childbirth is that too often medical intervention leads to unecessary surgical births.  I knew my body knew how to birth a baby, and I was going to let it do what nature intended with as little intervention as possible.  Because of my VBAC situation, the doctors did want to use monitoring and have an IV prepped in case of emergency, things I would have preferred not to have, but you pick your battles and I wasn't about to argue with them on those points.  I was hoping to labour at home with my doula and midwives long enough to not have to spend too much time at the hospital.  That was the plan anyway!

With my first pregnancy we had maternity pics done, but unfortunately this time we couldn't afford it.  We did try to take a few shots of our own though.  Not professional quality, but still a nice way to capture my belly.

Starting in my third trimester and on advice of my naturopath, I started drinking red raspberry leaf tea every day to help prepare and tone my uterus.  Some advise not to start until you are full term, but I got the go ahead as it actually doesn't not induce labour, rather tones the uterus and prepares it.  As I approached full term, my osteopath gave me a homeopathic labour remedy that she had used when she had her son.  It was quite extensive, so my naturopath narrowed down a few key elements and I started taking them at about 37wks.  I also visited her for a few acupcunture treatments to prepare my body and hopefully induce labour.  Like I mentioned in my previous post, I didn't want to give the little guy any excuses to be late.  I literally did just about anything and everything I could to prepare for F's birth.

For the last leg of my pregnancy, Tyler had already moved up here to the Georgian Bay area, as he had started his new job.  He would be gone during the week and it was just me and T.  The plan was that when I went into labour I would call him and he'd make the 2hr drive home.  We were just hoping that F wouldn't arrive too quickly so that Tyler would have enough time to make it back!

On this day last year I was still waiting for something to happen.  I was having braxton hicks contractions, but had been having them for months already so that was nothing new.  I remember it was supposed to be a full moon and I was hoping he would come that night, but he wasn't quite ready yet.....

The last belly shot, taken on April 28, 2010