I recently realized that it hasn't been just since we've moved here that I have felt lonely. It has been much longer than that, probably since around the time I first became a mom. So much changes once you have kids, and often friendships are one of them. I only had a few very close friends up until that point, but they were great friends. We had common interests when it came to things like music, fashion, and lifestyle. It was great to just hang out with them and do something fun, or nothing at all.
Inevitably we drifted apart probably even once Tyler and I got married, but definitely after I became pregnant and had T. Such is life sometimes. Sometimes there are reasons, sometimes not. Sometimes life just takes you in a different direction. I remember being pregnant with T and feeling very sad that my friends never called to see how I was. In retrospect maybe I was selfish, after all it's not just about me all the time (though I know I tend to be one of those people that makes it about myself). Nevertheless I did feel like I was still making an effort and they were not. And at some point, you do just stop trying.
Now I can't remember who's fault it is that some of us don't talk anymore. Probably both of ours, but one of those great friendships has disappeared. The other two ladies and I keep in touch. Like I said life has had different plans for us, and that is fine, but it means we don't get to see each other as often as we would like.
So for the past 3-4yrs while this has been going on, I had been feeling increasingly more alone. And once you have children you want desperately to have friends you can relate too. Mom friends, who you can share parenting advice and say "oh yeah, I get it!". Even before moving I longed for those kinds of relationships.
Moving out here was a chance to start fresh and make new friends. New friends with no baggage or past history. Starting fresh from this point onwards. For that first year I think I underestimated how hard a task this would be. Things with two children were really hard, and I wasn't feeling myself. In the late summer I met a few people, but then winter hit and I stopped seeing familiar faces. I felt so low all winter, thinking I would never make new friends.
It's amazing how different I feel now. We've been going to the Early Years Centre almost every week since we moved here, and it has been a great place to meet new people. For the last couple of months we have been seeing the same families almost every week which has given me the opportunity to get to know some of them better. It's also great that the boys are starting to recognize some of their playmates.
Yesterday it went one step further and we were able to meet up with some of the moms that I talk to often at the park in the afternoon. From there we were all invited to one of their houses so the kids could all play in the backyard (since it was getting hard to round them all up and keep them in the park area!). I think one of the nicest parts is that these particular moms are all getting to know each other too, so it's not like I'm just the 'new' mom on the block.
I feel like such a nerd for being so excited about the prospect of new friendships, but I have a good feeling about these ladies and am really hoping that this can progress into some really great friendships. They all seem to be of similar age and attitude as me, and we all have kids the same age as another one's kids, so each child has a playmate even though overall they are aged 2mos-5yrs.
So after a lovely afternoon chatting in the backyard while the kids had a blast playing in the sprinkler, we all exchanged numbers and planned another meet up tomorrow at Sunset Point. Hopefully the weather is nice so we can go.
It has been so long since I have felt like I have a really good friendship with other ladies, so I am looking forward to getting to know them better, both through our kids but hopefully more personally as well. One of the moms has suggested going out for drinks sometime which is a fantastic idea as I could really use some kid-free girl time!
And we can't forget the great friendship we seem to have developed with M and her boys as well. I love that I have someone that I can feel comfortable calling to hang out, or that I can call in a pinch if I need someone to take care of the boys. We definitely have a great time talking and the boys all have fun playing together.
Finally I feel like I am making the kinds of friends that I have been longing for since becoming a mom. Of course I miss my old friends, they will always be a special part of my life. We keep in touch and do plan on getting together when time allows. I can't wait to see them, and I know it will be like old times when we finally do get to meet up.
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