The Reason I Write

I got a lovely compliment from a friend today.  After reading some of my blog she said that I was a great writer.  I was sincerely flattered to hear this, because I don't think of myself as a great writer.

Throughout my life, whenever I was faced with having to write something, I always mastered it.  I got plenty of compliments about my writing throughout the years from teachers.  But I lack something very important that makes one a great writer. 

I don't love it.  I am not passionate about writing.  Rather when I have to do it, I groan and get down to the task.  That is probably why, despite being told I was great at it, I never did anything with it.  You have to love what you do, and since I didn't love it, I didn't want to do it.

I took up blogging and journalling in recent months to keep track of our lives, and all the wonderful details of the boys lives that I am likely to forget.  But I am surprised with how well I have kept up with it.  I do look forward to writing things down, not because I enjoy the actual writing but because I love the memories that it will give me.  I started keeping track of events because I know that my memory is going downhill.

But writing has given me something back as of late that I didn't expect.  It is helping my memory.  I didn't realize that it was lack of any kind of writing that was turning my brain to mush.  When I was in school or working I was forced to challenge my brain in certain ways that I haven't done since becoming a mom.  NOT that what I do isn't challenging, rather it is more challenging than anything else I have done in my life.  But I was not using the same parts of my brain for putting thoughts together that I used to use academically or occasionally professionally.

So now my writing has so much more meaning for me.  It is an exercise in memory.  It is a challenge that I don't get from day to day life.  And while I still can't say that I love it, I do love the way it makes me feel, so I suppose that is something very special.  I hope I will keep it up for a long time yet.

360

This past weekend was brought to you by the letter F.  F for fun-filled, family, friends, food, and even a little fitness.  In one word, the weekend was fantastic.

I am feeling so good right now.  So good that I want to burst.  I can't get over it, I think about it all the time.

I distinctly remember last year, F was about a month old, and I sat at the kitchen table at my dad's chalet where we were staying, broken down in tears.  How could we do this to ourselves?  Why did we thinking leaving our familiar life in the city behind was a good idea?  I remember the sense of dread, the feeling that we had made the single, largest mistake of our lives, and that there was no going back.  I remember the months passing, and every time I hit a low point I would feel the same way.  The feelings of wanting to leave this place and return to where we came were almost too much for me to bear.  I remember sitting in the chiropractor's office one day, looking around and thinking, we don't belong here.  Going back to the GTA brought with it overwhelming feelings of wanting to be back there.  Even less than 6mos ago I was still having these feelings.  They were less and less, but they were still there.

At this moment in time, it is like night and day.  A complete turn around.  360.  At this moment I absolutely cannot imagine our life any different.  I cannot imagine how we would be any happier where we were than where we are now.  Life is so good.

I also remember feeling not too long ago, a sense of sadness that our lives were not what I wished they would be.  We had struggled so much financially and even though we were taking the steps to get back on track, it felt like we didn't have the funds to enjoy our lives.  Not that you should have to have money to be happy, but the little things like extracurricular activities and family outings seemed to get sacrificed because we were on such a tight budget.  I would wish things were different.  It was like I was sitting there, waiting for a the magic solution to appear.

What a difference a positive attitude makes.  We have embraced our challenges and are learning from them.  We are building the lives we want for ourselves and our family.  I remember longing for things but not knowing how to make them happen, and yet somehow we have gone and made them happen.

When I reflect on this past weekend, it is the epitome of all the things I have wished would happen for us. 

I wished we could make new friends and build new relationships, and we have.  We had some of our new friends over for dinner on Friday night, and it was a lovely, social evening. 

I wished I were more fit and lived an active lifestyle, and I have been going to the Y and taking classes (cardio on Saturday was fantastic). 

I wished we could eat healthier and look into better food options for our family.  On Saturday we drove out to a local farm to look into buying more naturally sourced and organic meats and produce (and had the most fantastic dinner that night as a result). 

I wished we got to spend more time with family.  My brother Mike and Renee came up to spend Saturday night and Sunday with us, and Tyler's sister Rachael and her fiancee Scott came up on Sunday, and we all had a wonderful day spent at the Thornbury Harbour.

I wished we could spend more quality time together as a family.  This weekend we took them to that farm where there was a petting zoo, which they loved.  After that we hung out in the backyard which was relaxing and fun at the same time.  And yesterday we got to do all sorts of fun stuff together at the harbour.  We walked and had a nice lunch, the boys got to go into the water for a bit, and there was a great park.  I know they had an amazing time.

The difference from last year to this year is unbelievable.  I can't say it enough.

So as a result I am feeling good about our lives.  We are still working on getting on track, but the future is looking very bright.  It feels like so much of what we want is achievable, and we are really enjoying planning fun things for us, not only for the immediate future, but later on down the road as well.

See, 360.

I Heart My Clothesline

I'm not kidding.  If you were to ask me what a few of my favorite things are, my clothesline would be one of them.

I don't know why that is.  I just find hanging clothes in the sunshine to be so therapeutic.  Maybe it has something to do with feeling good about not wasting the energy running my dryer.  I can count on one hand how many times I've had to use it in weeks.  Maybe it's just the feeling of peace I get when I'm hanging clothes in the fresh air early in the morning while the kids play happily in the yard.  Maybe it's knowing that the wonderful sun is working it's magic at getting stains out of our clothes.  Who knows.  I just love it, it's such a silly thing, but I do. 

It's one of life's simple pleasures for me.

And yes, I am one of those people who will take my time hanging each piece, sorting them as I hang so that like pieces are together and that each one is hanging the same way, making sure there is equal spacing between each one, and that all the clothes pins are lined up perfectly.  I especially love doing this with our cloth diapers, grouping the different inserts and covers together.

I wonder what my neighbours would have thought if they saw me taking pictures of my drying laundry.  I took some other pictures so I didn't look like a total crazy.

I'm weird, I know.

Two More Fitness Firsts

I'm on a roll this week.

On Tuesday during the day I wasn't feeling that great, so the thought of going to my first yoga class wasn't even on my mind by the time evening rolled around.  I put F to bed as usual, then changed into my pjs.  I went downstairs and happened to glance at my Facebook to see a message from Monica:  "OKAY MARTINA - GET READY FOR POWER YOGA!  I'M COMING TO GET YOU!"  I glanced at the clock - 7:50.  Yoga started at 8.  I hesitated for a moment, asked Tyler if I could go, then ran upstairs to get changed again.  Just as I came back down Monica was at my door.

I'm so glad she dragged me out!  I was quite nervous.  I had never taken a yoga class, in fact the only yoga I knew was from a Yoga for Beginners dvd that I have, which I've only done a handful of times.  What was I thinking going to POWER yoga for my first class?  Monica assured me I could do it, as she hadn't really done yoga before when she started the class awhile back but has caught on.

So I just jumped in.  I don't think anyone knew I was a novice.  And actually, I didn't find it that difficult.  It was challenging for sure, but not as overwhelming as I thought.  Everything was totally doable for me, even some of the more complicated poses.  I was surprised at my own flexibility.

It was a wonderful class, I will definitely be going back.  I really felt it the next day, in a good way though.  I felt it even more so than the spinning from the day before.  I was sore, but it felt great.  And I kept thinking I needed to do more yoga to counteract the soreness!

Tonight I took another chance and went to Pilates.  Again the only time I have tried it before was from a pregnancy Pilates dvd that I have.  And again I was a bit nervous.  But as with yoga, I found it challenging but not too hard, and I really enjoyed it.

I'm feeling rather proud of myself this week.  These are all things I have wanted to do for a long time but have been to scared or nervous to try for fear of looking like a fool.  But I surprised myself not only with how comfortable I felt, but also with the ease I was able to do the exercises.  It actually felt like I have been doing these things for awhile, and not that it was my first time taking a class.

I would love to go to spinning again tomorrow morning, but I think I should take it easy (plus I need to go easy on the childminding costs).  Saturday is cardio kick and I can't wait!

Fit and Active Lifestyle

Remember this post?  The one where I was down because I wanted to be a fit and active mom and do all sorts of fun stuff with my family?  Well, we are getting there!

First off we got bikes.  My dad gave us a couple of his old ones.  We still don't have a bike trailer, but hopefully soon we can pick one up so we can hit the trails with the kids in tow.  I still haven't even gotten on one of the bikes, but I keep meaning to get it out and make sure I can still ride it (I know they say you never forget, but it has been a really long time for me!).

We have been getting out a lot more with the kids.  Not doing anything particularly fitness related yet, but they are still little.  The point is we are feeling more comfortable getting out and doing family activities, so it won't be long before we'll be doing more things like biking and hopefully kayaking when they are bit older.  Definitely some skiing this winter.  We might even brave camping on the September long weekend!

But as for me, I am really starting to get into more fitness classes at the Y.  A few weeks ago I started a cardio kick class on Saturdays which I love.  It is hard, but so much fun.  I really feel it the next day. 

And today I took the plunge.  I did a spinning class!  Monica joined me to help me through it, and I did feel more comfortable having someone I know with me.  But I felt confident going in, and didn't feel too foolish asking someone to help me adjust the bike.  I did stay at the back so no one could see how novice I was, but felt comfortable being there which is a great start.

I was actually surprised at how hard it was!  I mean, I didn't think it would be easy by any means, but I tend to hold my own pretty well in new fitness situations (I'm totally killing that cardio kick class and I've only been twice).  This was a whole new ballgame for me though.  While I am in decent shape, muscles I didn't even know I had were being challenged, and I will definitely be feeling it later.  I actually spent most of the class with my butt on the seat while everyone else was up and at it.  I know today's class will have been the hardest, and hopefully after a few more classes I'll be able to keep up a little better.  I was certainly sweating up a storm, and it was a great workout.  Funny enough I didn't love it the way I love zumba or the cardio kick, but I love the idea of what it is doing for my body, and that is motivation enough for me to keep going.

I am starting to look pretty good again, and now that I am seeing the results it is pushing me more than ever to get in the gym and keep working at it.

Monica goes to power yoga on Tuesday evenings and I might join her.  There is a pilates class on Thursday evenings I am interested in.  I would love to be able to swing another spin class during the week, or a different one like 20-20-20 or total body conditioning, or even aqua fit, but we'll have to see.  It kind of depends on how often I can afford to put the kids in the childminding there.  Wouldn't it be great if I could go almost every day? 

Zumba has been on hold for the summer since the instructor left, and I haven't been able to make it out to the Wasaga Beach ones.  But I have been told it will be back in the fall, so I am looking forward to putting that back into my fitness routine.

I never used to think I was one of those people who were totally into fitness and getting in shape, but I'm really starting to get into it.  I love what it is doing for my body, and for my mind.  And I love the fact that I just feel.....healthy.  Dare I say, I'm getting a little obsessed with fitness!

So I am feeling really good and much more confident about working towards my goals and achieving the lifestyle I want, both for me and my family.  The boys are in active tots and in the fall we will start swimming with them again.  Maybe even some soccer for T.  Now, if only I could kick Tyler's butt into gear and get him into something just so he gets a little bit of exercise!

Elvis Lives! ..... in Collingwood .......

So our town is home to the Collingwood Elvis Festival.  Maybe one of the largest Elvis Festivals in the world, I don't know.  In any event, it's a big deal around here.  Every summer people come from all over to experience all things Elvis.  There are Elvises (Elvi?) in virtually all shapes, sizes, genders, and ages.  You could say our town is overrun by Elvis!  Concerts, contests, impersonators galore.  

Last year during the Elvis Festival we had just moved in, so didn't get a chance to go out and experience it.  This year we were away for a wedding in Toronto, but made it back in time to catch the tail end of the action on Sunday.  I imagine we missed most of the fun, there wasn't as much going on while we were out there, but we still got to see a few Elvises and avid fans.

Some people think Elvis impersonators are weird or creepy.  Or maybe they think the whole idea of an Elvis Festival is cheesy.  I think it's pretty darn cool.  I mean, there is no denying that Elvis was kind of a big deal.  The man is a legend.  

I like to watch the faces of the people who might have been fans of Elvis when he was alive.  Maybe the old woman walking down the street wearing an Elvis t-shirt was just a young girl or teenager when he was popular.  Maybe she had posters of him on her walls that she kissed before bed, or daydreamed that she would get to marry him.  Maybe she even saw him live in concert.  To her it is not just a cheesy festival, it is a part of her youth.  And for one weekend a year, she gets to relive a little bit of it.  I like thinking about those kinds of things.  Our generation may never have an icon like Elvis.  Most new music, while it is still great, is not legendary.  Everything is already been-there-done-that.  But Elvis, during his time, was groundbreaking.

I also love that all the shops on the main street do up their windows full of Elvis memorabilia and paraphernalia.  Vendors line the streets selling all things Elvis - t-shirts, purses, baby clothes, hats, sunglasses, leis, even fake sideburns.  Even the baby store had rock and roll sock monkeys and Elvis bibs and onesies.

I wonder, how does one decide they want to be an Elvis impersonator anyway?

One thing is for sure, Elvis will live on.  And people of any age can enjoy the music he gave us.  I couldn't help but want to dance and sing along, and I noticed all sorts of people young and old, itching to do the same.

I think we missed all the really good Elvises this year since we were so late getting out there.  Next year I plan to get out and get the whole experience fully.  And I want to take pictures of as many Elvises as I can!  But for now I'll leave you with this one.  Didn't look that much like the real thing, but he was definitely enjoying his job. 

Until next year, Elvis has left the building!  (sorry, how could I resist?)

Strawberry Lemonade Bars

I seem to be all about the recipes these days (and a big thank you to my friend Mashi for letting me in on this one!).

So unlike my recent treats, these ones are not sugar free (hey, I can't be good all the time!).  But I did manage to reduce the amount of sugar in the recipe by more than half by using stevia instead for the filling.  I didn't want to try messing around with the crust since I figured the lack of sugar would change it too much.  For the filling however I omitted the sugar (all 1 1/4 cups of it!) and used 1 tsp powdered stevia, then made up the rest of the lost bulk with extra strawberry puree (which actually was sweetened with a little bit of sugar, so I can't claim the filling is entire free of the stuff!).

The recipe worked out just fine though and the bars were delicious.  A very refreshing alternative to other baked sweets.  Actually they weren't very sweet at all, more on the tart side.  Basically like pouring an entire pitcher of strawberry lemonade onto a crust and baking it!

So here is the recipe.  (original recipe and picture here)

Strawberry Lemonade Bars

Crust
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter, room temperature
1 1/2 cups all purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt

Filling

1 cup fresh lemon juice
2-3 tsp lemon zest
1 1/2 cup pureed strawberries
1 tsp powdered stevia
4 large eggs
1/4 cup all purpose flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a 9×13-inch baking pan.

To make crust:

In a large bowl, cream together sugar and butter, until smooth and fluffy.  Gradually beat in flour and salt until mixture is crumbly. Press into pan and bake for about 17 minutes, until set at the edges.
While the crust bakes, prepare the filling:
In the bowl of a food processor, combine lemon juice, lemon zest, strawberry puree, sugar and eggs and process until smooth. Add in flour, baking powder and salt, then pulse until smooth.
Gently pour the filling over the hot crust when it has finished baking. Return pan to oven and bake for 23-26 minutes, until the filling is set.

Cool completely before slicing and use a damp knife to ensure clean slices.

Makes 24 bars.

These bars lasted about 24hrs in the house before they were all gone.  And I will admit that I ate most of them (they're suitable for breakfast, right?).  Good thing about the reduced sugar part.